[4 AM]

4 AM

it's 4 am
i'm awake again
You awaken me
to teach me new things
of the mysteries of Your majesty
the Spirit's glorious melodies

the fall of man
the call of man
touching all of man
i'm doing all i can
to hear Your voice
and make the choice
but You quicken me
so that i can see
the mysteries
of Your majesty
and sing the Spirit's glorious melodies

there You are
and here am i
You're drawing me
to You're side
up and in
up and in
holding me
yet calling me
up and in
up and in

stripping pride
so that i
may hear You
these new clothes i'm in
bring me into the mysteries
of Your majesty
to sing the Spirit's glorious melodies

what's been done
i have become
i'm stepping in
Your glory
and as i walk
in obedience
the miracles
tell the story
of the mysteries
of Your majesty
singing the Spirit's glorious melodies
of the mysteries
of Your majesty
and Your glory...

[the comfortable garment]

at one point, i thought i knew the direction i was heading in, now i feel as though i'm lying on my back on a merry-go-round spinning in circles.

perhaps the reason we have a Comforter is because God is so insistent that life be so uncomfortable. not that He revels in our discomfort,but that He is glorified when we find our comfort in Him alone.

why do bad things happen to good people? the traditional answer is "only God knows" or "all things work together for good (which is inherently true)" or even "God knows what He is doing." and though they may bring some comfort, they place the weight if the guilt on God as though God were being gently malicious. the comfortable answer is the accusatory one, the blame-shifting answer. the uncomfortable answer is the avoided one. He wants to use us for His glory, He wants to include us in His plan to heal the broken-hearted, to give life to the dead, to bind up the wounded and restore them to healing and a right walk with God.

but what if we're still wounded ourselves? will the healing come when we reach out to others?

will He use me? the comfortable answer is yes or even He already is,the uncomfortable answer is what am i doing to prepare?

what position am i am i putting my heart in, my life in, to bring Him the most glory? when i bring Him glory, then shall i wear His glory. when i wear His glory, i can carry it anywhere with ease. is it not easier to wear a shirt or jacket than to have to carry it around? it is why we tie our coats around our necks or waists instead of holding them in our hands. it is restrictive to hold something in our hands, we either have to put it down or put it on in order to free our hands for use. there is no garment less restrictive than the glory of God.

the Word of God says "put on a garment of praise..." and "put on the whole armor of God..." not carry them. too often we try to slip these items on over what we are already wearing but we need to realize that we must completely change our wardrobes, which includes stripping down tothe nakedness of humility and begin again with the clothing of the Spirit. "the Church is only beautiful when she is clothed with the Spirit."

[more]

i've been reflecting a lot these last two weeks, more so this most recent one. introspection often leads one of two directions. for some, it leads to hubris, a false sense of self. for the others, it leads to humility, a real look into what's really inside.

when everything is said and done and the final chapter of my life is written, what will others have to say about me? what is my legacy? how will i be remembered? while, these thoughts may be a bit premature to be contemplating at 25, i can't shake the necessity to consider them.

what if, at 25, my life is required of me? what will people say? i fear that most people will say my life was a tragedy. "he died too young." "he could have done more." among others are thoughts that i can easily hear people say. "he died too young with little to show for it." truth. understandably so. would i be missed? of course, there are people who would miss me. but would my life have counted? i am ashamed to honestly say, most likely not.

and so, i ask, am i the sum of my mistakes? or am i more than this? more importantly, what will those who i have interacted with have to say about me? i don't want people to say they were sorry to hear that i passed. and i certainly don't want to hear someone ever say that i couldn't be trusted.

not trustworthy, that's what i would say... a particaularly harsh rebuke to swallow. a devestatingly obvious answer to my earlier questions- what would people say about me if i were gone at age 25.

i do not want this chain. i am not asking for some hyper-spiritual emotional release. that is to say, i am not seeking someone to tell me, "you are forgiven," and then to never hear from them again. i do not seek pity.my greatest fear in life is not that i will fail financially or in the workplace. my greatest fear is failure in relationship. not merely a dating relationship. but a relationship with others, and of the utmost importance, my relationship with God.

what will my legacy be? what will they say about me when i'm gone? am i more than a good friend and a fun roommate?

when i am lying on my back i do not wish to say with my dying breath "i am more than what i look like, i am more than where i've been, i am more than what they say about me."

i am more.

[the journey]

words fail.
so do men.
and then we awaken
to realize that the answer we seek
the answer we crave
is not at all what we thought it would be
or where we thought it should be
the quest
will go to the highest heights
to the deepest of seas
and when we return
the Answer has been instep with us
guiding us, holding us, grace-ing us
loving us, taking us where we long
to go. with Him, to Him, for Him, from Him.
and that's where
we belong. the search
for home leads us straight
into His loving arms.
and there we find a place
where He cries with us,
and then He causes us to smile.
the journey of a thousand miles, ends
with a step towards Him.

[don't eat the seed]

the parable of the sower...

there is a spiritual application of the natural law of sowing and reaping. for those in the neo-pentecostal/ charismatic movements, we've heard for years about sowing and reaping in the realm of finances. and that is good. but that's not where i'm going today.

there is an application that we miss sometimes. i'm talking today about prophetic sowing, and sowing into miracles. not just by giving finances, but by not eating the seeds.

God has given us seeds. one of the biggest seeds He has given us is the Word. what we do with that Seed will determine our harvest. if we simply read it, it may entertain us. if we only memorize it, it may come back to our rememberance. but if we embrace it, it will sustain us. revelation 12:11 says we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb (the Word that became flesh...) and the word of our testimony; that is, if we sow the seed.

if we just eat the seed and leave feeling full and content, then we will have nothing to show for it in the long run. we will be fat, full- and easily overtaken. if we leave revival meetings excited and energized, while these are both good emotions, these fail to determine the harvest. it's what we do with the seed that was given to us, that determines the harvest.

yes, the speaker (pastor, evangelist, prophet, teacher, brother, sister, whomever...) sowed their seeds into us, but it's up to us to sow the seeds into our own lives- that is to make sure the seeds reached the good soil and not the rough soil.

even though it's an old adage, and many people take it for granted, if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, you will feed him (and his family and maybe give him a career) for a lifetime.

in a famine-starved country, people are hungry enough, that if you give them seed, they will eat it instead of planting it. they will consider the now and not the later. then when the harvest comes, they will have nothing to show for it. why? because they ate the seed.

so where am i going with this?

how many times have we sat in meetings where the presence of God was manifest and we are fed, just a taste, and then we walk out, after hearing about changing the world and do nothing with it? after all, just how do we apply "whatever it takes, whatever the cost" messages? or how often do we hear accounts of miracles and see the glory of God manifest, yet seem to lose the battle of belief when it comes to our own situations?

i love listening to bill johnson preach. my roommate gets his podcasts and we eagerly listen to each one as soon as they come out. the reason i love listening to him so much? the testimonies that he shares at the beginning. they are so energizing and refreshing. but, remember what i stated previously? bill johnson gives me seeds when he preaches. (i'm pretty sure he knows it, and i'm sure he expects a massive harvest by sowing those seeds into my life and countless others) but what do we do with those seeds? what are we to do with those seeds?

psalm 126 gives us a good idea of how to sow those seeds. verses five and six say, "those who sow in tears will reap in joy. those who go out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them."

if we sow these seeds we are given in the tears of prayer, worship, meditation on the word and personal application of the word, then we will reap a bountiful harvest. what you sow, you will reap. if you sow prophecy, you will reap prophecy. if you sow testimonies of miracles, you will reap testimonies of miracles. if you sow the seeds of soul-winning, you will reap the harvest of souls. if you sow seeds, you will reap a harvest of food and the seeds to grow more.

however, this isn't just a feel good message. if you sow carnality, you will reap a harvest of carnality and judgement. some of us, even people who read this, either in passing or intentionally, are sowing this seed and know that the harvest is coming. you know it, and it scares you. it is ok. ecclesiastes says there is a time to plant and time to uproot. now is a time for both. uproot the carnality. sow the good seed...

...and yes, if you sow financially, you will reap financially.

[live the revolution!]