[understanding thomas...]

i've been thinking about thomas recently. what do we really know about him? we know he was called by Jesus to be more than a follower. we know that he was hurting when his rabbi was crucified. we know that he refused to believe the testimony of his fellow disciples when they claimed that Jesus had risen from the dead. and we know that he went to india and was killed there.

really, that's all the records we have of the life of thomas aside from the gospel of thomas, which many scholars doubt was actually written by the apostle. regardless, we, christians have, for centuries, clamored up the back of thomas and beat him with every generation for being a doubter. we teach our kids not to be a "doubting thomas." yet, with every generation, we doubt God just as much as we believe satan. really. if we started believing God at same level with which we believed the lies of satan, our lives would be much different.

back to thomas...

is it unfathomable that thomas was hurt that his rabbi and his friend with whom he shared three years of his life had been crucified at the hands of his own people and made a mockery of by the roman occupants? wouldn't you be hurt? and if your friends who, historically, have fought among themselves, all come to you and tell you that your friend is alive, how would you react? thought so...

so, what makes our doubting generation better than thomas? the only thing i can come up with is that we have the benefit of hindsight. but that does little to prove that we are better, on the contrary, it only goes to show that the only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...

it is similarily astounding that we miss the fact that thomas still gathered with the other disciples despite his "monsterously" overwhelming doubt. not only this, but when Jesus did appear to thomas and the others, he didn't need to do what he said would prove to himself that Jesus was alive. he exclaimed, "my Lord and my God!"

the very next historical record we have of thomas is in india. he left jerusalem during the great persecution in the first century. Jesus spent three and a half years with thomas as his rabbi and friend. thomas turned around and spent the rest of his martyred life for his rabbi and his friend. thomas, was commissioned by an indian king to build a palace. while he was working and being a living testimony, he was killed by a dart or a spear.

what makes us better than thomas? it can only be that we have lived longer after our revelation of who Jesus is; and that is nothing that elevates one person over another.

[following and believing]

followers aren’t always believers and believers aren’t always followers. but when a follower becomes a believer, they will get out of a boat and walk on water. and when a believer becomes a follower they will turn the world upside down.

peter always gets beat up for denying Christ by his words, but i'll tell you the worst part wasn't what he said, but what he did after Christ was crucified. he left and went fishing. and yet, he's restored by Christ. peter always gets bashed for sinking, but no one ever stops to think that he actually walked on the water! have you made mistakes? have you ever doubted? have you walked on water? Jesus never belittled peter’s faith for attempting the miraculous. just like peter, Jesus offers forgiveness and restoration. beyond that, He has given us the authority to perform miracles.

strange things occur when a follower becomes a believer… you see miracles. crazy things happen when a believer becomes a follower… the world gets changed.

[who i am, hates who i've been...]

do you ever get that lethargic feeling that you just aren't doing enough? that you're not reaching enough people, that you're not touching enough lives? you know, the one that says six months ago you were a better person. why can't you go back to that person?

maybe six months ago you were doing some incredible things for God, but somewhere along the road of life, you slowed down, you settled into a rhythm. but your heart yearns for more. you want to let the top down and let the wind sail through your hair; you want a highway where there's little traffic so you can feed a little more gas into your engine...

yeah, that would be nice. you're afraid of slowing down any further because you don't want the race to be over, but you're afraid of speeding up again because your body just won't make it to the finish line...

i know that feeling. i hate it.

the only way to break out of it is to break out of it. kind of deep, i know... let me rephrase it. it is easier to act your way into believing than it is to believe yourself into acting.

makes more sense? good.

brothers and sisters, what we don't see is that six months ago we may have been more attuned to the people in our paths but we don't exactly know who we are touching right now, in this moment.

they will know we are christians by more than our t-shirts, our bumper-stickers, our cd collections and our libraries. the will know we are christians by our love. and not necessarily our love for people we don't know. it's easy to love on someone you've never met before. it's a bit harder when they're your roommates or your family or people you see every day. it's the ones who we rub shoulders with everyday, even if our shoulders get a bit raw, that we are called to love. and when people see that, they will know that we stand out.

i am continuously running. and the prize i run for is greater than any medal given out at the olympics. it's greater than any accolade of man; it is the high calling of Christ Jesus. it is for this reason i run: to bring the knowledge of His sovereign glory to the world. not simply to "my world" or "the business world" or even to "the western world;" but to the whole world.

[a trimester down...]

so, i've finished my first trimester, and while it's still fresh in my mind, i want to write a few things that i've learned over the trimester that i may have otherwise never learned...

1. i learned that no matter the cost, no matter the pain and suffering, the message of the Gospel must be advanced, and that, even though the Kingdom is within us and people may kill our bodies, all it does is release the Kingdom in a more powerful way...

2. i learned that without an understanding of true community and love, the Jesus Revolution will die.

3. i learned that outside of Jesus i am nothing; but God thought i was worth everything and that's why He gave His life. (meditate on that a while...)

4. i learned the true unestimable power of prayer and its influence on society, through the prayer movement to counter the charlotte pride homosexual event.

5. i learned that healing is for today. that i can heal people through the power of Christ and that healing is in the atonement.

6. i learned that academia is a good and useful tool to educate, but it cannot teach everything. the Holy Spirit is given to teach us all things. even the seemingly mundane.

7. i learned that the brotherhood and sisterhood of believers is delicate and should be sought after more than the cultivation of romantic relationships. there is a delicate line, but, ultimately, it is a message needed in todays youth culture.

8. i learned that the only true risk we face is the decision to walk away from God.

9. i learned that i am in love. (this one is up for meditation and interpretation).