scattered thoughts on a [web]page

i really don't know where i'm heading with this, or if it will even matter. to anyone. really. if there's one thing i love to do more than anything in the world, it's to sit and contemplate. i think about everything. i think about nothing. i think about things that need to change. things that i need to change. things that should be changed; things that will be changed; things that are being changed.

i think about things that have little significance and things that have the utmost importance.

what can i change today? if you're sad, will i make you happy? if you're being avoided, can i talk to you? if you're avoiding people, can i look into your eyes and tell you it will be alright? i hope you let me.

what's the most important change i can make today? what is the most significant thing that i can do today?

i like to think about the future. i like to look down the road and have a map. but i fear that taking the shortest route will deprive me of the scenery along the way. what is more beautiful, cold steel and black pavement weaving through a cement and glass world; or rolling hills covered in heather, woods teeming with life, waterfalls and wildflowers? shouldn't life be about the journey and not about the destination?

i think that's kinda what the christian walk is all about too... it's not about our destination, it's about how we obtain our destiny. if we're looking for the quickest route, we'll miss the lessons and the beauty along the way. if we're looking for the shortest route, we'll miss the opportunities to have an impact on someone's life...

that's something to think about...

i like to think about the people who i've met recently and those i've known for years. not to find out who means more to me than anyone else; but to imagine what sort of impact my life has had on theirs.

certainly, i've not been the best influence on some, and i've let some others down. but then, how many people have i inspired? how many people have i touched? it's not about sheer volume or a numerical quota. i just like to evaluate how much of an impact i've really had on people. think of it as a the "it's a wonderful life" syndrome without the suicidal depression.

i've come a long way from that. really. i mean it. i used to be depressed. i used to be suicidal. i don't know why i'm telling the whole world this. it was an intensely private thing for me. the problem with suicidal depression is that it is so quiet and hidden that usually the person who is suffering from it is usually the only one who knows they have it. why? because they're the only who who knows how they feel. not that others don't feel their pain, but others can't read their minds. suicidal depression. i've come a long way.

i like to think.

i was my senior class secretary. that means i got to pick the quotes for the class motto... i chose a whole bunch of crappy ones and one really good one (yeah, it was pretty manipulative... but that's politics... :wink:). our class motto? "remember these three things: from whence you came, to where you are headed, and to whom you must give account." benjamin franklin wrote that and i like to think about it.

the thing about the future is that we don't know where we are going. i mean, we know the ultimate end- our final destination be it one of two places. but i mean we don't know our destinations along the way. we may set goals and work towards obtaining them, but if a goal is our destination then we are selling ourselves short.

if retirement is my destination then i have already resigned myself to insignificance. however, if bringing hope to the hopeless, help to the helpless, being a father to the fatherless and a shelter to the shelterless is my destiny, then what should i care if i do not know where the wind blows? if i am pursuing God's destiny for my life, i will end up in my final destination with little physical evidence to show for it, but a treasure of great significance. i would gladly trade a lifetime of depreciating money, fleeting power and wavering influence for a lifetime of aiding those who are desperate for God's love. that is satisfaction.

i said before, i do not know where my thoughts will take me today, but i do know this- i want to make you smile.

be blessed today. i wrote this for you.